For one of the spouses, a suggestion of divorce most often hits like a bolt from the blue. You think that the feelings just have cooled a little, but the relationship goes on. So you may not pay enough attention to the fact that you gradually become strangers, or that you have already get used to living in a neighborly way. But this does not mean that this stable and comfortable but unfortunately yet the joyless situation suits your husband. Maybe, he is already thinking of filing for a divorce.
In order not to be caught off guard, pay attention to some possible disturbing signs your husband wants a divorce as your relationship is not as smooth as it used to be.
- You have nothing in common
Do you live under one roof, go to dinners with friends, but no longer have interesting conversations? Living in silence is one of the indicators that relationships are declining. Sharing feelings and ideas talking to each other about how was the day or what book hooked you recently and other similar things are one of the essential points of healthy relationships.
How do you spend the evenings? Maybe, both are watching TV, or everyone is sitting behind a computer or staring at your smartphones. If you notice that you spend more and more time in silence or speaking only on common, domestic topics, you should try to change the situation.
But if you are already sure the divorce ahead, it is too late to try to compensate for all the problems by chattering, exciting facts, and creative ideas – they will only irritate. When your husband wants a divorce, and this intention to leave you is serious, you cannot force him to change his mind. It is hard, but you should respect his will and yourself. Tantrums and panic, as well as pretended happiness and carelessness, will not add grace to your image.
- You do everything wrong
Do you begin to notice that the spouse is increasingly grumbling and expressing dissatisfaction with what he did not pay attention to before? You live like under a microscope – and every your tiniest action is criticized and evaluated? Most likely, the husband’s general dissatisfaction with the relationship is growing, and through the cavils, he expresses the marriage fatigue and wants to leave you.
Remember that dialogue is the key to solving nearly any problem. Sit with your husband and calmly tell about how you feel, how uncomfortable it is for you to be the object of his criticism continually. Perhaps, in the process of conversation, you will find the real reason for this discontent and can do something together, surely, if he is interested in improving relationships too. No one can compel respect for their interests from the other. Always bear in mind that your partner is an independent subject and not an object. Even if some of his decisions hurt you, do not lose your self-respect.
- You are always the last to know
Your spouse’s problems or, on the contrary, success at work, health, new ideas – all this passes by you. Does the husband no longer share with you his news, preferring to tell about them to a friend, parents or co-workers? Here is one of the most alarming indicators of the breaking relationship. The partner no longer trusts you, does not perceive you as a person who can support, or maybe he is not interested in your opinion anymore and losing respect for you.
- Appearance changes
When the relationship was just beginning, the husband, for sure, did not come unshaven on a date or, for example, wearing a dirty shirt, etc. But now, you notice that he pays much less attention to his appearance at home. Of course, one should not always be all dolled up, but at least hygiene is of great importance in respect between the spouses. If the husband does not consider it necessary to take a shower before going to bed with you and goes around the house in stretched joggers, this may mean that he is exhausted at work and he just needs to relax a little. However, if it has become the norm, maybe he is no longer interested in you subconsciously and does not consider it necessary to make efforts to attract and keep you.
And it is all about the dialogue again. Do not blame, but just talk. And of course, pay attention to your own appearance, especially at home, where you spend time alone with your husband. If your usual “uniform” is a washed-up robe, and a hairstyle is an unchanging ponytail, then you should start the changes first of all with yourself.
- Swearing has become a habit
If you notice that you regularly quarrel for the same reasons, this is a reason to seek professional help (family therapist, psychologist), or to seriously take matters into your own hands. When swearing becomes the norm, it is hardly possible to talk about a happy marriage. Any situation is resolvable if there is a desire to settle the conflict. But if the quarrel is your only way to express emotions, then there are only two ways: one is to get a divorce for real or to decide whether you want to save the marriage. You should discuss it and make a decision jointly because one partner is not able to rectify the situation if the other simply does not want to.
- Groundless jealousy. There are often cases when a man makes scandals because of jealousy, without having any valid reason. Husband charges his wife, even insults her. Some wives treat such behavior as proof of love and passion, especially if recently they lacked the attention of her husband. It may seem that jealousy
is the opposite of dislike. However, it happens in different ways. Sometimes a man begins to be jealous precisely because he has fallen out of love (or he has already fallen in love with another) but still cannot accept the fact that the marriage failed due to his fault. Not wanting to admit it, the husband is looking for an excuse to part in such a way that you would be guilty of something before him too.
He can exaggerate all your negative actions and their hurt just because he is not ready to take responsibility for his own wrongdoing.
How to know when jealousy means an impending divorce and when does not? If jealousy is sincere, it has some real grounds. If you can persuade your husband that he has nothing to worry about he will meet this information with relief. Natural jealousy implies that a loving person is eager to keep the relationship. Any reason for jealousy is a disaster for him, which he would be happy to avoid. If a man does not seek to manipulate and trusts a partner, he does not seek out a reason for jealousy intentionally, especially if such behavior had never been his temperament before.
- Problems in intimate life. No wonder that when the intimacy between husband and wife does not bring pleasure, this is a clear sign that there may be a divorce or cheating soon.
According to statistics, in 2018, a lack of sex has been the most contributing factor to divorce in Utah.
Perhaps the reason is that love is gone, old feelings have cooled, passion has faded. Before you decide on a divorce, you need to talk heart to heart, find out what the reason for cooling. In many cases, it helps to get rid of the problem and restore sexual relations. But please be ready that it can turn out that you yourself is a reason.
Sex is a sphere of life that especially requires empathy and sensitivity. You cannot measure the quality of sexual intimacy only by the number of sexual intercourses, and getting totally fed up often leads even to more negative consequences than lack of sex. Analyze your behavior and how you can catch and perceive your partner’s mood. Or maybe you only make demands? Sometimes some distancing helps to bring back the passion, but without ostentatious offense (!). Just take care of yourself, your business and image, be friendly but unobtrusive. Speak about problems in sex only if both of you are ready for dialogue.